Do not feed champagne to the deer It's a long way to plan ahead, I know, but after booking a May Ball ticket a boy has a right to be mildly whelmed by it. Can you be 'whelmed'? I'm sure most of us must have pondered that question at some point, but has anyone ever provided a definitive answer? Perhaps we shall never know; one of life's little mysteries et cetera. So, where was I? This ball, right. Peterhouse. White tie, twelve hours of pure party. With the champagne gushing, magicians astounding, hog roasts spitting hot fat and the 'Unannounced Acts' being announced to stage, the bubble of excitement is slowly swelling.

Being such an organised person as I am, I've already been onto the most informative of websites, the stalwarts of the posh party scene, foraging for titbits of advice from those in the know who know only those to know. Yes, this is a serious business, and clicking onto such delights as Prom Magazine and It's Your Prom Night, So Party! has been fascinating. Which dress to wear, will it go with my hair. Like, ohmygosh, it might clash! It's Your Prom has some particularly salient information about Prom Partners. As Mareike (hopefully she'll defrost from her previous state gained at the Snowball) and I are going together, we thought it best to check our compatibility beforehand. It seems I fall under the guise of "Specimen #1: The Best Guy Friend", which should mean for us "a stress-free, fun-filled, let-loose-and-party-with-the-pals prom-a-thon". Fantastic.

Wait, though, there could be danger in store: "beware of losing each other in the crowd as you max out on mingling." Goodness me, I hadn't thought of that, in amongst all that maxing out on mingling. We might get separated chasing after the deer in the grounds.

Digging further into this website, it becomes apparent that balls aren't as straightforward as things first seem. One girl asks on the forum "should races mix/is it wrong to date outside your race?". Again, goodness. Such things we must think about. I mean, I'm going with a German? What will people think? Maybe I should stand apart from her, then nobody would suspect a thing. Oh! Actually, fear not, all the replies realise how ludicrous the idea is of there being any problem. Except one girl, going by the (faintly ironic) pseudonym "sumthinspecial", who denounces the very idea of inter-racial relationships, despite bleating on about "[her] best friend is mixed... BEST FRIEND". Yes, that's nice dear, every bigot has a best friend that's of the group they socially exclude. "Don't get me wrong, my best friend's over 60, but those oldies, they right get on me tits..." You'd think the world has moved on, then you see people like sumthinspecial still exist. Posted: 19-02-06 21:54 :: Permalink: http://ben.corale.co.uk/archive/v1/220.html

Comments Use the form at the bottom to post your comments. Here is the feedback:

Richard writes I want to come. I stopped reading after the 'champagne' bit, but still.

Go and see Good Night, and Good Luck. Commented: 20-02-06 01:15

mareike writes you know, it'd be nice if you could refer to me as a *person* rather than a "German" and a block of ice! The ice was your fault anyway, and blame the Germanness on my parents. Does my being one-quarter Dutch make a major difference? Commented: 20-02-06 12:06

The blog author writes I forgot about your one-quarter Dutchedness, that could make it worse! You'd be my mixed friend... BEST... is this joke ever gonna tire? :)

Richard! I have your email to reply to. And I shall try and make time for the film, I've not been to the cinema for a couple of weeks. Commented: 20-02-06 15:45

mareike writes This joke will never tire, it is such a good joke...BEST joke! Commented: 20-02-06 21:06

Wolfie writes It breaks my heart, Benj, that you're taking a beard to the ball. Even I took my evil boyfriend Simon to the ball -- and that was back when homosexuality was a hanging offence. We even shared a punt together.

I know I want you to be single forever so I can feel good about myself, but surely you can find a lovely man to take to the ball.

I had hoped to crowbar "schadenfreude" into this posting so that I could join in the German fun, but I couldn't find an appropriate sentence to use it in. I lived in Dortmund for a while, by the way.

Oh, and Benj, it's "I shall try TO make time for the film". Commented: 22-02-06 10:59

The blog author writes Taking a beard to the ball??

Mareike and I shall be following the advice that the website gives, should either of us spot a potential "ball honey", in that I'll go camp to avoid there being any confusion about our presence together, and we steer the other towards said honey. See, all worked out.

I'm assuming being called Benj is punishment for my grammatical slip-up :) Commented: 22-02-06 12:48

mareike writes i might start calling you benj.
Benj.
beeeeenjjjjj. BEST benj!
and i am not a beard...wolfie! Neither do I have a beard, in fact, but i could stick one on and pretend to be a man if that would make you feel more comfortable? Commented: 22-02-06 15:55

Richard writes If you were *truly* witty, you'd say Benjaminge.
Isn't that right... Benjaminge?
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge.
Benjaminge. Commented: 26-02-06 01:56

andy "the viking" fordham writes bringing this out of the puerile primary school stage, that it ceased to be a week ago, but whatever, unannounced acts is always more exciting than it eventually turns out to be. and they should always consult the ticket holder on what they want to see. Commented: 05-03-06 09:49

The blog author writes Is that from the Observer's cryptic today?
Confusion! :/ Commented: 05-03-06 15:08