Cocaine and gin
No, no; not breakfast in Vegas, but what seems to be the way to survive at East Anglia’s institution for madness and spirit breaking. What’s a boy to do? Flunking miserably (shit, I don’t think I’ve done one single thing successfully since I’ve been here) and with the mood sinking down with the achievement, there’s not a lot to be up-beat about. Don’t get me wrong, this is a fantastic place; the city’s a gem and as a place to study (some say) you can’t beat it.
But me? Little ole me? I don’t think I’m cut out. I hate whingeing (actually, scrap that, I love a good whinge) and I want to blast through this foul pit of despair, but what is it that I want? I want to stay here. I hate the course. I despise the course. It’s killing me, tearing my will to shreds, and my motivation to slivers of naught. Again, what do I want to do? I do want to be an engineer: I want to create and fantasise about ideas and then make them a reality. I don’t want to wade through ten zillion fucking structural mechanics problems when what I want to do is poke around with electronics in the lab, make stuff work, blow stuff up, read texts and learn the dark art.
Ok. I can quit here and re-apply to my second choice and do what I want to do. But I wouldn’t want to do that. I’d be giving up the chance of a lifetime I’ve been burdened with. Come to think of it, that makes me a bit of a ungrateful sod.
“Here, have a place to study at University Supremo”
“Ta… actually, I don’t really like it, can I do something else instead?”
Um, no, that’s not really practical now, is it. No it’s not. So do I blunder on, cursing at every step? I suppose I have to. I suppose I’m resigned to the fact I’m stuck here for the duration (assuming I don’t do badly enough to be sent down, which is quite likely at the moment) so I’ll have to ride through it, and piss off the supervisors when I can’t do any of the work I’m supposed to have done.
Oh, and I bloody hate diet coke.
Meh. Enough bemoaning my oh-so-terrible life (as the internet is a bad relay for emotion, that was laced with sarcasm). I’ll put an exciting post up soon to summarise the next few days ahead, which when work is subtracted from the equation, will add up to a quite eventful period with lots of FUN stuff happening. Stay tuned kids.
EDIT: To clarify, I'm not actually on the coke, and I can't stand gin :)
Posted: 30-10-05 21:37 :: Permalink: http://ben.corale.co.uk/archive/v1/209.html
Comments Use the form at the bottom to post your comments. Here is the feedback:
Laurie writes
Oh no! Terrible to hear you're not enjoying the course :-(
Don't let it get you down, but *don't* stay on a course if you don't like it -- unless you plan to be an acedemic for a lot of your life, you only get one time at university, and one degree! Don't waste it being miserable, and don't end up with a degree you'll regret. It's very, very, very hard to do well at a subject you don't enjoy, and a 1st in a degree you'll actually use from any other university is ten times better than a 2:2 in a field you don't want a job in from Cambridge.
Commented: 30-10-05 23:10
Joel writes
If it's any consolation, loads of people hate their first year. I expect it's not. Chin up, young person.
Joel
Commented: 31-10-05 17:35
mareike writes Don't worry, my ffirst year sucked, I did badly, but this year is so much better. So it will all be good, and think about all the fun we'll have watching shitty DVDs together!!!!!xx mareike Commented: 31-10-05 23:31
NJR writes Have to admit, I'm with Laurie on this one... I don't think it's a question of 'giving up' or not, it's more to do with life being too short. Commented: 01-11-05 10:42
The blog author writes Aye, too right about life being too short. I've started talking about these things with the appropriate people, so hopefully I can resolve these annoying doubts. And bring on the dodgy low-budget horror films! Commented: 02-11-05 01:16
Chris Face writes
Well then. I loved my first year and fucking hated my second. What I did was Linguistics which I am frightfully dire at. I really kicked the bucket so I killed what was killing me and now I'm such a frightfully happy chap!
I love literature and all the stupid "she ran out the garden, which was forbidden so she lost her eden" that goes with it.
I feel on track to get a far better degree than the path I was headed down with linguistics.
There's a message thar.
Commented: 02-11-05 16:58